So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Can I color on your dick again?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
