dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
