She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
