Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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