I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
