I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
