My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
