But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
