You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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