we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
