Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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