I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
