I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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