I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
