I'm so fucking centered right now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wear drunk well.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
