After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
