i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
