I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
