Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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