Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
the raccoons are back...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
