I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
