A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
