...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
