Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
