I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
