You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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