wat bout pragnant strippers??
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
