i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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