the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
