took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
