i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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