would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
