My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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