He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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