I'm gonna have a badass scar
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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