I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
