My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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