Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
