I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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