Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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