Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
