So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you win again, gameday.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
