well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
