Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
