Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
