my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
