she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
