i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
