i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
