Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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