i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
